I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
