I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
