the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize