the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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