maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
