How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
