The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
