dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
