Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
