Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
