he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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