is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
jump out the window naked night went bad
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