found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
