Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
