Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
