Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
