just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
