i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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