I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Small penises have feelings too.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize