i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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