My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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