it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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