I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
