Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
