Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
