Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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