i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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