He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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