How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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