I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
birth control should be required to get into college
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
3 2 1 whiskey
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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