so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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