Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's the barista slut.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
