I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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