I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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