Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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