my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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