I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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