if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
