Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize