I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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