oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Randomize
