You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
