i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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