life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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