I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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