the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
