I accidentally had phone sex last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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