Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
