I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
