just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
