I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
