So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
