Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i drank out of a bidet.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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