If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
