it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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