Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
