...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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