Don't you send me to vm
i wish my penis had a tongue
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize