I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
