he puts the penis in happiness.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
