I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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