its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
