now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
