you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my poor anus
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
