Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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