I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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