When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
