There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
